Half day, whole hog

Today was dreary and cold, but I can count two successes. My badge let me into the building at work, and Winslow took a bottle with fewer tears than normal. I also had success in getting my computer sign-ons working, something that has taken colleagues several days when they return from maternity leave.

But today was not so good in other ways. I get to go on a trip in three weeks. Luckily, I'll only be away for about 60 hours or so, yet I am dreading it. I know the work will be fun. Being away won't. My department is taking on even more responsibilities as our company expands, while headcount remains the same. That leaves us with more opportunities for travel. I love the learning. Yes, I do. I love working with our clients. YES YES I do. I am so worried, though, that I'll be gone more than I should be. My husband is a saint for taking this on with two kids.

On a happier note, I had a delicious dinner of baked fish with lemon and dill mayonnaise courtesy of Ryan, reluctant daddy chef extraordinaire. And for dessert, I'll be splitting a bottle of French sparkling wine with him, and maybe we'll pop a few truffles into each other's mouths.

Enjoy the last day of the Aughties.

Back to Reality

Today is my last and final day of maternity leave. It's been 12 glorious weeks being with my daughter Winslow. I've had the chance to be a little housewife. In some ways, it's been great staying at home. The house is pretty straight, dinner is cooked on time every evening, and grocery shopping during the day is wonderful. But other days, it's been a little dull. I don't have tons of spending money, so mindless shopping is off-limits. I'll be glad to get back to work for some stimulation.

Is it worth it, though? After paying for daycare and work clothes, I net just a few hundred dollars a month. For that little bit of money, I get to be away from my children for 50 hours of daylight per week and then have the privilege of putting them to bed almost immediately after getting home. Some would keep their kids up to play, but I respect my children and their need for sleep.

My job also involves travel. Up until this point, it hasn't been extensive since I was only certified in my subject area in May of 2009. However, we have several girls either on or preparing for maternity leave, so the rest of us will fill in the gap. I have a potential trip already scheduled in a few weeks. Ryan will be fine. The girls will be fine. Will I be? I love travel, and training is fun...and yet my heart sinks when I think about being away for four or five days at a time. Especially since the financial rewards are limited. If I were more comfortable financially, maybe I could comfort myself with the knowledge that I was saving for our future.

At this very moment, it is not feasible for me to work less because we have to finish paying off debt and start saving, even if it's just a little bit each month. I would even be comfortable with Ryan and I both working parttime so we could spend more time with the kids. But in this town and in this job market, it would be near impossible.

So there you have it. I'm happy to get back into the swing of things at work. It's a job that can be fun and sometimes quite a challenge, so at least there's that to look forward to. It would be nice, though, to not feel so much guilt.

We're Home

We just spent a few glorious days in New Orleans visiting my mother. The main reason for my enthusiasm for visiting is food. The secondary reason...all the help my mother provides. My mother-Yia Yia-loves my eldest so much I think she'd give up all her organs for Katie if there were a need. She was hand feeding Katie, giving her meat loaf and veggies, scrambled eggs, fruit, and cake (of course, cake!). Very endearing. And very helpful when you have a 3 month old who nurses 10 hours a day.

I discovered a wonderful thing during this trip: the outlet stores on the MS coast. I spent a good amount (cash, not credit) at Banana Republic Outlet Store. For the first time in a long while, I could buy clothes knowing they'd fit. I only tried on the dresses and it was great zipping them up with ease. Next time, I'm hoping to be a size smaller. It'd be a nice reward.

But that's not all that went down this weekend. Ryan and I had a delightful date, courtesy of my mother, at Cafe Adelaide. Owned by the Brennan family, it serves Creole tasties, and we went crazy eating all they had to offer. The Red Bean Crusted Oysters were the best thing I've eaten in years. That means a lot coming from a wanna-be professional eater like me.

I'm glad to be home, though. I'm looking forward to sleeping in my own bed. Tonight. Right. Now.

Dumping the Debt

I'm on a roll this morning, so let me share some thoughts on debt. As I said before, Ryan and I have knocked out 17k in the past year. Actually, the past nine months. If you knew our net income, you'd be pretty amazed by how much money that really is. But it's not as simple as not spending.

First of all, we sold Ryan's car. He had a note and expensive insurance due to some driving mishaps, and honestly, we couldn't afford paying for that car. Luckily we came within about $100 of the loan amount when we sold it. Our wonderful in-laws loaned us a car for awhile, but it recently died. My parents have allowed us to drive my old Civic. After the new year, though, when I return to work, we'll be a one car family. Since Ryan and I work at the same place, we'll be OK for now. When we buy a new car, it will only be *new* to us. It will be affordable and practical.

The second thing we did was create a detailed budget. For example, we have $300 a month to spend on groceries and toiletries. Considering I know smaller families who spend $200 a WEEK at the store, we're going pretty bare in comparison. But if you don't buy processed foods, you save a ton. Don't buy meat and you'll save even more. It's a myth that you need meat. Do you need much of anything? Honestly, our lifestyle change has caused a little heartache over eating out or shopping. Yet we don't feel deprived. Personal recommendation: Have fun money set aside in the budget. Ryan and I get $40 each per month.

Our third task was to never use credit. Ever. If we can't pay cash, we can't afford it. We've missed this goal a few times, but I'm not upset about it. It felt really good to have Christmas be a cash holiday.

Another big task was to pay bills immediately. If the cash goes directly to debt, you don't spend it on silly little incidentals. It also saves on interest.

In addition to these substantial tasks, we've done a few other things:
1) Meal planning 2) Bi-weekly budget meetings 3) Selling stuff we don't use 4) Itemizing our charitable donations for tax purposes 5) Analyzing our tax withholding to maximize paychecks 6) Not using paper products 7) Using the library often 8) Rarely buying alcohol, especially at restaurants 9) Having no shame over hand-me-downs 10) Making our lifestyle changes clear to our families and friends

#10 makes some people uncomfortable. Too many people live beyond their means. I've known people who dip into savings to buy junk that doesn't last. Or to eat at Red Lobster. Not worth it guys.

One thing people wonder is whether we're miserable all the time because we're saving. Well, first of all, we're not saving yet! When we finish paying our CC debt, then we can start. Saving right now would be silly when we have debt left. But we're not miserable. Sometimes we're angry, very very angry, in fact, at ourselves for creating this worthless debt in the first place. Now, though, we're looking forward to building wealth and living happily and debt free. It'll happen soon enough.

It's been too long

I've had a busy year. That's an understatement. My entire life has been flipped upside down. And that's a good thing.

In September, I got married to Ryan. We had a great party that was pretty small and very homey. It wasn't my dream wedding, mainly because I didn't feel comfortable having a huge, expensive bash while 34 weeks pregnant. Yes, I was a whale at my wedding. But I enjoyed every moment!

So that's the second big change in my life. October 8, 2009, I gave birth to a daughter, Winslow Camilla. It is hard to believe that I now have two children and a husband, especially after such a hard year in 2008.

What else? Personally, I've paid off $8,000 in credit card debt that I mainly built up while I was single and unemployed. And that's in addition to another $9k of my husband's debt. How have we done it? Wearing the same clothes over and over, even through pregnancy. Eating vegetarian. Making a very detailed budget and paying cash for just about everything. It hasn't been easy, but it's totally worth it. I'll come back to debt later. We're not through yet tackling all of it.

I'm also a home owner by proxy. It's actually my husband's house, but I guess it's mine now. We've painted every wall, purchased a tiny bit of new furniture, put in a new driveway, new windows, and refinished floors in a couple of rooms. It's looking better every week. We are cramped, though. This can't last forever. It's a 3 bedroom house better suited for college students than a family of 4.

Finally, I have become more interested in fitness and nutrition. My husband has lost 100 lb in the past 18 months or so. I met him when he was down about 40 lb and despite the fact I was pregnant and overindulging myself, I ended up his diet coach! Funny, I know. About 3 weeks post-partum, I got on the bandwagon working out and eating less. It's great having a partner in crime. Maybe I'll post pictures of before and after once i'm finished. The before pics are scary to me. And I have so much further to go. 7 weeks later, I have met my initial goal, which was to fit into my size 14 pants again without the muffin top of the century. It's only the muffin top of the year now.

It feels good to get back to writing a bit. I've missed it the past few months, but it's taken me this long to catch my breath after a whirlwind semester (yes, I still use that term even though I'm not in school).

Get with the program suburbanites!

So i was surfing around on babycenter in the green/crunchy moms group, and I clicked into a thread on line drying. I am totally sold on it. Even Ryan is. So once I move into his house, we're setting up a line in the backyard. We'll see how well that works--In memphis, line drying could lead to stinkiness. A weird industrial odor. But it might work. Otherwise, we'll set up the bonus room so we can hang stuff inside. Bound to save energy.

But here's the kicker. Some of the BBC ladies were talking about overbearing homeowner's associations who regulate the use of clothing lines. GET OVER IT, NEIGHBORHOOD NAZIS! We all know where the prejudice comes from. Only poor people don't own clothing dryers, right? Well, jump on the green bandwagon and let neighbors line dry with pride. That would be a selling point for me if I were looking to purchase in a certain area.

Of course, maybe line-drying is a gateway activity into drinking 40s out of a paper bag in the front yard...

A New Year

So Ryan's been on my back about changing my blog title. Guess I should do it, although "Mean, Green, and Taken" doesn't have that nice ring to it. Just kidding, Ryan.

I'm going on my first business trip tomorrow. My dad and Ryan will be watching Katie. Luckily, since it's during the week, she can go to daycare. It won't be much different for her. But I am going to miss her terribly. She gets sweeter and more wonderful every day.

Katie Bel is walking almost full-time these days. And she can say all sorts of words. How blessed I am.

Anyway, i have to get ready for my trip now. There is laundry everywhere...

Again?

For the first time in two and a half years, I am officially in a relationship. WTF? You may ask, what about Katie's dad? Weren't you together 18 months ago? Not really, guys. We never connected emotionally, and we both knew it would end with his move to the West Coast.

I'm feeling a little scared right now--what have I done wrong in the past? Will I repeat those mistakes? I hope not. I'd like to think that motherhood has changed me. I'm still very outspoken, even a tad tactless sometimes, but being responsible for this little fireball has changed my perspective on what is truly important. Unfortunately, I've also become more suspicious and less sure of myself. Hard to believe, right? I make no apologies for most of what I do (I mean, who's perfect?), and yet, I still have lots to work on.

Work is still great. And Katie continues to surprise and delight me. How lucky am I? Things are going so well that I'm concerned something bad is bound to happen soon. Let's hope for the best!

A good week

Well, this week has been an excellent one, although I'd have to say it took an unexpected twist. More on that later. Katie Bel has all of a sudden become very interested in her toys--and she loves figuring things out now. She's also standing on her own. In fact, every time she does it, she claps for herself. They must do that at daycare. It's so cute. I still miss my baby Katie during the workday. Going at lunch, however, has proven to be bad for both of us. She cries when I leave, and so do I. No more.

On a different note, one of my co-workers in my division took me out on a date today! I was quite surprised to receive the invitation in the first place and also very flattered. We had a great time. Of course, I'm a bit cautious; it's hard not to be when things have gone so poorly in the past. But I'm staying optimistic. This fellow is interesting and has tricks up his sleeves that amuse me. We'll see how it goes!

Here we go again

Well, as quickly as it started, it ended. No longer seeing that someone anymore---it's not a huge deal, not like I had invested a huge amount of energy in it, but the reason it's over is the same as usual. The shy ones are intimidated by my outgoing personality, while the ones who share many of my characteristics feel I'm in competition with them. I feel like I can't win, no pun intended. I love that movie Something's Gotta Give with Jack and Diane. The best scene is when Frances McDormand lectures Jack on how interesting women, unable to find a partner, end up pursuing hobbies that make them even more interesting, and therefore less attractive to men. Not every relationship/experience has reinforced that theory, but most have. So maybe I should become a playwright? Haha, not likely.

Katie's fever has come and gone again and again, so we're going to the doctor this afternoon. I am ready for drugs. Really. She is so miserable and so am I. So I'm having cookies for lunch.

Where is that damn rule book?

Ok, I feel like an idiot. I spent almost 2 hours trying to get Katie to go to bed and stay there until I realized she might be hungry. She's only been nibbling and sipping all day--I guess because she's not feeling well. So she sucked down a few ounces and literally fell out within a few seconds. Dead asleep in my arms. Poor thing. You'd think after a year I'd know what my child needs. D'oh!

Home Sick

Today Katie is sick. We had to stay home from work/daycare because of it. Guess that's pretty good since Katie started daycare 3 months ago. I'm a little upset since it means I now won't have any vacation after Christmas. Sure, it's only one day, but it sucks that Katie will have to go to daycare that day unless my family helps out.

But anyway, the news is that Katie turned 1 on Sunday! I can't believe I have a toddler on my hands. She is standing on her own a little bit and will probably be walking before you know it. We had nice visit with her father's family in Augusta. Thankfully, they're coming to visit in December-that drive is a bear to do by yourself at night, especially with all the construction on I-85. Rain followed me the entire way to Atlanta last Friday.

And I'm seeing someone. It's really nice to have somebody who likes talking to you, wants to spend time with you, and even takes you out for a good meal every now and then!

Oh, crying baby. Gotta go.

Quite a change

The past couple of weeks, I have lost a few pounds--not exactly in the way I should. I got sick as a dog and then haven't been eating supper, really. Certainly helps the budget! I'm still working on eating enough vegetables. I have only eaten a few pieces of bread, though, and honestly, that is amazing to me. I'm gonna keep this up!

I've also been venturing out back into the dating game. It hasn't gone as well as I'd like. Most dudes are completely frightened by the fact I have a child. One even chatted with me a few weeks, asked me out, and then bailed. It's disappointing since I have never hidden for even one moment that I'm a mom. I do have a lunch date tomorrow, though, and maybe it'll go well. the fellow seems very kind. I haven't been around much kindness recently. Friendly? yes. But not kind. There's a difference.

Katie Bel is cruising along these days. They're encouraging her to walk at daycare, but I'm ok if it takes a lot longer! She's also not saying much. I'm ready to hear some words, dangit!

This weekend, I'm going to a friend's home for a cookout. This is the first time I've hung out with friends in almost six months. thank goodness for change.

Back Again

I'm beat. That pretty much sums up the past month. Work is exhausting and I go to bed by 8:30 most nights. Tonight is special because the finale of Project Runway is on. I know, I know, I could wait until it is a re-run but where's the fun in that?!? I've already got lunch ready for tomorrow, all of Katie's bottles ready, and I've got 2 minutes of diaper stuffing before the show starts in 30 minutes.

I got back my health assessment results from work. My cholesterol is excellent, my thyroid is great, I am not pre-diabetic or anything...but my risk for stroke is high. Despite my "risk-age" being calculated as 26.5, my risk for stroke in the next 10 years is really high for someone my age. It's because I need to lose a few pounds and because of my blood pressure. My BP has been high most of my life regardless of weight, diet, or stress level. Not blazing high, but still high. I need to be more proactive about it, especially since Katie needs me alive, so I've decided right here and now that I have to figure out what works for me. I've read enough nutrition books to know what the science says and yet I think that each person has to tweak the equation for good health.

My personal weakness is bread. I have been known to eat buttered bread for supper. I probably need to cut that out. In the past couple of days, I've been focusing on getting enough fruits and veggies, with an emphasis on protein and leafy greens. I used to hate making salads at home, and now I know why---I HATE ROMAINE LETTUCE! I think it tastes funny. So I found an alternative at the grocery store. It's not iceberg, I promise, it's very green, but much more tender and tasty.

I have also hit a major milestone in my life. I am drinking un-sweet tea. Yes, in the South, if you do not drink brown sugar water, it's called "un-sweet" as if they have added the sugar and then distilled it out. Silly, I know. And when I say un-sweet, I mean without any sugar OR sugar substitute. Go me! It actually tastes good!

Katie is growing. She's eating real food and prefers to feed herself. She loves bananas and that makes her colon sad, so she's also drinking juice to keep things moving. I think I've got a monkey on my hands! She'll be turning 1 in 3 weeks. WTF?! I love that stinker so much and can't believe it's almost been a year. It's flown by.

Plan B

Well, I don't have one yet. But I need a Plan B. I show up for the body pump class at work and turns out that being 10 minutes early actually meant I was about 30 minutes too late to find a spot. One person reserves half the spots for her friends. I can't take that much time out of my day. A colleague has offered to take me to Curves this Thursday, so i'll give it a shot. I just don't want to pay for it!

What really gets me, though, is that I skipped my daily visit to see Katie today so I could work out and it totally wasn't worth it. I didn't realize how much those visits meant to me until this evening when I missed her so badly it hurt. I've managed to compartmentalize my work life from my home life, so I don't dwell on missing Katie too much usually. But when your baby starts screaming the second you enter the classroom, it's heartbreaking, especially when she is all smiles when finally picked up. Good to know I'm needed...

Knowing my place

Today a colleague gave his first presentation. It went very differently from mine. While my presentation ended up leaving lots of questions unanswered due to my complete lack of expertise on the subject--FYI it was only for practicing presentation skills, not building expertise necessarily--this one had very little that seemed unfinished. I really wonder, though, if that's a correct assessment. I've always prided myself on authoritative bullshit, but with this group at work, I avoided pretending because these people actually DO know, unlike my previous audiences who tended to be completely unfamiliar with the subject matter. We'll see how the next one goes, both for me and for the other newbies.

I'm having issues at work. Not with the work itself, but with perception. More later.

I have brown hair again. I got sick of looking in the mirror. It's not saturated since I only had one box of color, but i think it looks pretty good. I even managed to color my eyebrows.

The bread's almost done. Off I go.

I know, I know

Yes, I am a loser. I go to bed so early that updating this thing just doesn't happen much. In the picture above, ignore the dudes. Katie looks so cute, though!

So I've been gainfully employed for 4 weeks. And I don't want to beat any of my coworkers...yet. That says a lot considering how intolerant I can be sometimes. I won't say much about it since I do not want to make enemies so early, but I will say that some of my co-workers remind me of GA Tech folks. I wonder if you've always got to have the same types of people at each workplace. The pleaser, the workaholic, the one who makes friends with everyone within 30 seconds, the slacker, the know-it-all, the dry wit....not sure where I fit into that. I guess I've always been pretty friendly, but I am also a know-it-all. I'm a gossip. I'm a ham. I just can't help myself.

The last time a dude held my hand was March 27, 2007. For some reason, the past week has been very very bad and I've been dwelling on this "dry spell". I've put that in quotes because honestly, I would consider a spell to not be 18 long freakin' months. Of course, if someone asked me out, what would I do? Would I say yes? Would I believe even one word that came out of his mouth? And anyway, don't I deserve this? I mean, I chose to have a baby outside of marriage. Did I honestly think it wouldn't be this lonely? Ugh, now I'm whining and I hate whiners.

I'm joining the gym at work to take the body pump classes. That way, I won't feel like whining anymore because I'll be too busy sweating. i don't have delusions of a hot body. I only want my clothes to fit like they used to without resorting to plastic surgery. Of course, I'd have to perform that surgery myself, and I'd rather not. Exercise would be much easier. I guess.

It is totally past my bedtime. Maybe I'll dream about something really juicy tonight.

One sick family

I got some things in the mail from my mother and this little hat was among them. Of course, Katie had to try it on. Or, should I say, mommy had to put it on her..

Katie and I are both sick. It's been awful! She got a nasty cold and then gave it to me. It's been so bad that I broke down and took her to the doctor, something I never do with myself. But it had been 10 days of hacking and sniffling, and I had had enough of my poor baby being miserable. I was ready to hear, "It's just a virus" since she had only had a mild fever a week ago. The nurse practitioner said, though, that it was perfect timing for us to come in because 10 days was just too long. So now Katie is on some medicine--provided free by Publix pharmacy--and I hope she gets better soon. I also hope that I get better.

This week was orientation at work. Woah, Nelly! The benefits are awesome. More later. I need a nap.

Back to Work

What a week! The past 10 days or so have flown by as my brother and his wife visited and then work began. I am blessed to have found this job because it is with a department full of smart people. What I really like is that nothing is considered obvious--it's all laid out for me. Even "how to check your voicemail" is something they go over. I've had too many jobs in the past where it felt like we were just thrown in the deep end and then judged harshly for not knowing which way is up.

Taking Katie to daycare, though, was the most traumatic event of all. But I had nothing to worry about! She is having so much fun playing with all their great toys and participating in all the activities that she barely misses me. I do get to see her at lunch time. Thankfully, the center is just across the parking lot from work. It's been hard pumping enough milk...i'm still working on that. However, I have plenty of time to pump and a clean, private room where I go twice a day. That was a relief.

The biggest change has been that I am very exhausted at the end of the day, and so is Katie. She plays very hard and doesn't want to nap at the center, so she's a limp rag by the time we get home. I hope she starts napping soon.

Pleased with myself